Could Do Better…

I was due to attend a regular check-up appointment with my GP yesterday, to discuss the ongoing progress of my current depressive episode, and how I’m finding my medication this time around. Depression has been a recurring issue for me over my lifetime, so I’m used to these uncomfortable appointments and the kinds of difficult converations they require.

I told my GP I was feeling much better than last time we met, and he asked me how much better – if my first visit a couple of months ago had been scored at zero percent, and perfectly well again would be 100%, what percentage did I feel at right now? I thought about it, and answered quite honestly – about 50%. We had a frank chat about this and the upshot is my medication strength has been increased – apparently after this length of time on my current dose I would ideally be sitting at about 80-85%.

So I left with a new prescription and a seeping sinking feeling of failure, as if in spite of my best efforts I had just received a progress report saying ‘Could do better’… I went home and went straight to bed in tears, upset not to be improving more. But my husband hugged me close and reminded me that however disappointed I felt, what matters most is I’m voluntarily getting the help I need to get better again, whatever it takes.

And sure enough after yesterday’s misery the world looks a little brighter today. It may be a bitter pill for me to swallow but I took my required increase in medication without a fuss this morning and am just getting on quietly with getting myself better the best way I can… ๐Ÿ™‚

Fandango’s One Word Challenge: Due

 

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6 thoughts on “Could Do Better…

  1. It’s not your fault. I don’t struggle with depression like you. I have a niece who struggles with it. I have physical issues I deal with and I know how easy I tend to judge myself. At least I can kind of understand. I’m so glad you have your husband. I know it helps having a terrific and understanding partner. Be gentle with yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yay, Ruth! This actually IS my bailiwick and I think youโ€™re a great success to ask for and accept help even when you think you shouldnโ€™t need it. Depression lies to us. It says we’ve always been miserable and always will be, or that we were wildly happy in the past but never will be ever again, doomed to a misery that will never remit. So good for you! Donโ€™t believe the lies. One foot in front of the other. Hugs, ๐Ÿ˜Ž Sunny

    Liked by 1 person

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