Stream of Consciousness Saturday: Strain

As well as my undergraduate degree (BA Hons in Psychosocial Studies – a deliberately cross-disciplined blend of psycholgy and sociology) I have also achieved a post-graduate certificate in Applied Positive Psychology. It was actually supposed to be a Masters Degree, but for varying reasons at that time I found studying a real strain so decided to knock it on the head only a third of the way through. The parts of the course I had already passed gave me enough credits to be to be awarded the PG Cert, so here we are.

The thing is, I was both working full time and studying part time (working Monday to Friday with weekend lectures), and after my 92-year-old grandmother died followed a couple of months later by my best friend’s husband (early 50s, cancer), my head was so full of new and unresolved stuff I just couldn’t concentrate properly, so initially took a break for a semester, and simply never went back to my studies. To be honest, I think had the course truly fulfilled the need I had for finding answers in my own life, I would probably have found a way to keep going, but as it was, I gave up.

In diametrical opposition to the intention of me studying Applied Positive Psychology, the whole experience left me feeling completely out of step with most of my classmates. Where they readily embraced many of the ideas fully and with a genuine enthusiasm, I felt resistant to many of the assumptions that were made as they simply didn’t resonate with my own life experience. I felt like the Eeyore of the group, an unintentional grey misery of negativity. The realities of my own disfunctions become glaringly obvious to me and I could see I was becoming depressed again, so withdrawing from the course seemed the best option for me at that time.

And I have no regrets – neither in relation to beginning the course nor ending it when I did. It did for me what I needed it to do, but not quite in the way I’d intended. I learned that I still had a long way to go to heal the psychological hurts of the past, and that Applied Positive Psychology was not going to be the way forward for me in this aim after all. But I still keep on looking for answers, and keep on keeping on – and I’m still here, plugging away at life, so I must be doing something right, mustn’t I? ๐Ÿ™‚

Stream of Consciousness Saturday: Strain

5 thoughts on “Stream of Consciousness Saturday: Strain

  1. This is REALLY good Ruth. So MUCH of this resonates with me. Thankyou for sharing it. I too did a Masters, then a Ph.D but in Theology and this included much Psychology and other things too, including Sociology. I was going quite well with my Ph.D until my father died and we moved toacdufferent county within four weeks of his death. It just wasnโ€™t possible to continue although I tried to, and was nearly at the end. But the experience gave me SO MUCH nevertheless. And I found that I just could not go along with much of the Psychology. But I too have unanswered questions in my life. We struggle on though. I think I have found mire answers elsewhere than in Psychology, but still a way to go. Do we EVER find the answers, I wonder? This is a great write Ruth, and I feel really connected with you in reading this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just reading the term “Applied Positive Psychology” made me giggle grumpily. I embrace Eeyore when needs be. So yeah, no. There’s a LOT of people with lots of paths for the same destination. Take the one that works for you.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s