Inflicting my Affliction

All my life I’ve struggled on and off with depression. My first blog was, in fact, an exercise in giving myself a voice, a way of talking openly about it, and to begin with it felt truly liberating. But all too soon feeling obliged to voice my pain so regularly became nothing more than a stressful chore and I yearned to choose silence again, so once my blog became a millstone around my neck I quietly withdrew, and that was that.

My second blog was an attempt to move beyond a depression-based narrative, but still I found I focused too much on my melancholic misery, so that blog, too, soon hit the buffers. My third blog was a deliberate move away from navel-gazing, focusing mainly on poetry and photography, but eventually that tack floundered too.

So here I am on my fourth blog, trying hard not to inflict my affliction on you all in my virtual world while still allowing for the ebb and flow of emotional floods and droughts. Here I try to keep my creative channels open as far as possible and avoid posting the worst of my laments and dirges, however low and down I feel.

Sometimes that works, and sometimes it doesn’t, so thank you all for sticking by me through my successes and my silences, it’s very much appreciated 🙂

Fandango’s One Word Challenge: Inflict

14 thoughts on “Inflicting my Affliction

  1. I began my current blog when depressed over a relationship. Later I had other down spirals… I’ve deleted many of those old posts rather than the whole blog though. There are huge gaps when you return to the early years… it appears I didn’t post for months. But I’m glad I didn’t delete the blog. It could be something to consider if you end up with a bunch of posts you dislike.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your blog is lovely Ruth. I had no idea you had suffered from depression. I often. Worry when I,post about gruef, pain, etc but I try to make my posts so that they have hope in them as well. Yoyr pists are always really good 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you – to begin with I found blogging to be a great outlet for ‘talking out’ all my many dysfunctions and issues, but after a while it all felt too negatively biaised and I wanted to remind myself (and everyone else out there!) that there’s much more to me than just my depression 🙂


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