A Toss Up

I found out the other day that I’ll be going back to work very soon, and I feel very much in two minds about it all. On one hand I’m delighted to be beginning the process of creating a new normal to get back to, but on the other hand… the reality of risk is rearing its ugly head along with the fear of the unknown.

Intellectually, I know that the country – the world – cannot go on forever effectively hiding from Covid 19, holed up in hope of a miracle vaccine that can make us feel safe again. At some point in time we all have to face our fears, adapting and making the necessary changes to society that allow us all to live with Covid 19 in the community rather than potentially die from it.

But emotionally I feel decidedly anxious and wary, because however much I’ve found it frustrating at times I’ve got used to feeling snug and safe in my own home and it seems crazily counter-intuitive after months of a very successful ‘Stay at Home, Stay Safe’ campaign to now be told it’s OK, it’s safe out there too even though the virus hasn’t gone yet – basically it has to be OK because the economy is collapsing.

It’s all about finding a precarious balance, isn’t it? We balance the risk of going out into the scary world where a deadly invisible virus awaits by wearing some kind of protection from infection, and because full Hazmat suits are not practical daywear for most of us in our daily lives, we compromise and stick to wearing a simple face mask and using hand sanitiser and keeping our distance from others to keep us safe.

We have to balance the risk of catching a virus that might kill us against the risk of having no future income to live on, which in a very different way also might kill us in the end. So somewhere along the line we have to meet in the middle. It has to be done, and I know it’s almost time for me to get back out there and get on with it. And in a weird way I’m quite looking forward to it, except for when I’m not.

The department store I work in seems to have created a well-managed environment for both staff and customers to move around in, with plenty of safety measures in place to protect everyone as much as possible. So I can’t help but wonder how I’ll be feeling on my first day back, smiley and safe or frowny and fearful? Right now it feels like it could be either, and it’s going to be a toss up as to which actually wins out on the the day… πŸ™‚

Stream of Consciousness Saturday: Toss

11 thoughts on “A Toss Up

  1. It’s a scary time Ruth. I know I would be scared if I had to go out to work, but it is true that the country has to get back to a bit more normal way of living sometime. It’s a horrible situation all round. I hope that when you do go back to work, all goes well, and that you can feel calm about it. I hate that butterfly feeling in the stomach. Will be thinking of you Ruth.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ruth, I wish you wellness and safety as you head back to work. I’m hoping a year from now, or sooner, we actually will be back to normal and the stress, anxiety and fear will be behind us.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Luckily we have a very proactive store manager, who is really keen to ensure the safety of all staff and customers so that everyone feels as comfortable as they can in the circumstances πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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