The Attention-Seeking Invisible Woman

Clothes and me have bit of a weird, love/hate relationship.

What I wear each day matters a lot to me, but not at all in a dedicated-follower-of-fashion sense. I’m not now, and never have been, fashionable in my style of dress. But for some deep-seated psychological reason I always need my daily choice of clothes to suit my specific mood at that time or I find I just feel uncomfortably ‘wrong’ and out-of-sorts all day, even if I’m wearing an outfit that worked perfectly well the week before and will no doubt work perfectly well next week, too. When it comes to choosing clothes, I really do wear my heart on my sleeve every day.

Some days I’m in a no-nonsense Plain-Jane jeans-and-hoodie mood, but on other days I maybe want to wear a feminine floaty dress, or feel drawn to wearing cropped stretch leggings with an eye-catching tunic top or… well, whatever other creative style my mood dictates on the day. And I find it’s not just the style of clothes that matters, it’s the combination of colours, too. Some days I feel bright and beautiful and reasonably flamboyant with an artistic flair for adding multiple splashes of colour yet on other days I deliberately hide in comfort-blanket layers of dull, dowdy, unnoticeable obscurity. Most days, though, I probably balance tentatively on the brink of both, inhabiting fully neither one look nor the other, blending the two together in a unique way that’s just ‘me’.

I suppose subconsciously I’m dressing externally for how I want the world to react to me (and interact with me) internally on any given day – do I feel like appearing visible or invisible to others as I walk along the street, from seen to unseen on a continuum of clothing choice, and to what extent do I take that choice and run with it? Because sometimes on my most ‘invisible’ days when I’m being full-on Mrs A. N. Other frumpy middle-aged nobody I feel like screaming inside because no-one even notices me pass on by, not even giving a cursory glance in my direction. It’s as if I’ve taken the wallflower look one step too far and my blending into the background has rendered me completely invisible even to myself?

It feels quite a contradiction to be such an apparent attention-seeking invisible woman. I imagine on most days my sense of dress must give off quite confusing ‘look at me/ don’t look at me’ messages to passers by. Does anyone else have a similar relationship to ongoing clothes-wearing or is this just me flying my freak flag high?

Come on, do tell… I can’t be the only clothes weirdo out there, surely? πŸ™‚

Fandango’s One Word Challenge: Combination

11 thoughts on “The Attention-Seeking Invisible Woman

  1. Totally not alone. I do this as well. Actually I do this and “raise you one.” I am a “resident” of a virtual world, called Second Life. I have an avatar. I’m “inworld” near daily, and even my AVATAR dresses to how I feel. I didn’t realize this until a few years ago, when the topic came up in a discussion forum. Additionally, because I can change my hair color in Second Life (with a click of a button, not the ordeal of 3D life), I realized that when I’m depressed I change my avatar to being VERY pale and white blonde hair, like I’m trying to blend into the white walls and become invisible. (My normal avatar look is like I am in 3Dβ€”a pale, but not THAT pale, brunette.) All of that was totally subconscious! If the discussion in that forum is any indication of the answer to your question, there are a lot of us out there. More female than male, not surprisingly.

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  2. You are not alone.

    When I want to look ordinary and unnoticeable I tie my hair back and wear an anorak.
    At home if I feel like having a curling up on the sofa day, I put on clean PJs. The other day I lied to my son, he asked, did you sleep in those or have you just put them on? I told him I’d just put them on!

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      1. Oh yes! Especially when you are me and you’ve put weight on and you want to pretend the double chin belongs to someone else and the belly that’s taken on a pregnant look! 🀣!

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  3. I am very much the same. A lot of the way I dress depends on how I am feeling about my body that particular day. I wish I could be more confident in my clothes every day. I think I am getting there. Great post. Thank you for sharing.

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  4. Most days I wear work clothes provided by my employer, but I do have a choice of a white, or black t-shirt with the company logo on. Most days I choose the black one. I can wear any pants/skirt I want, though it is practical to choose by the season (we have really cold winters.) On my free time nowadays I wear comfortable clothes, usually from an outdoor company. I have a capsule closet, and all the items are carefully chosen, quality over quantity. My closet through the years very much reflects my way of life at the moment. In California it was practical to wear wrangler jeans and a cowgirl shirt, and that was an outfit that I loved! In Sweden that would not be very practical. Not for the life I have at the moment. I used to think that I needed to have a few dresses in my closet, I always get lots of compliment when I wear a dress, but I’ve always hated wearing a dress. At 40+ I’ve given myself the gift of a dress-free closet. LOL.

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    1. I love wearing dresses at times, and so own several! Each to their own, though – I can’t ever imagine me with a limited capsule wardrobe, the idea just doesn’t appeal to me at all πŸ™‚

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      1. It’s a very good thing that we all are different πŸ™‚ My 16 year old son probably have 5x more clothes than I have. Still I always know what to wear, having “only favourites” πŸ™‚

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