A squirrel walks into a bar – well it was actually a discarded scaffolding bar some idiot had left propped up awkwardly against a wall, unsecured and off balance. The clumsy squirrel thinks – whatever, I still walked into it! The loosened scaffolding bar clatters unceremoniously to the ground with a resounding clang, hitting a passing scavenging fox on the head on the way down. The freaked-out squirrel takes full advantage of the fox’s obvious disorientation and distress and scarpers up the nearest tree to escape retribution. The poor old fox slinks home in pain muttering to himself and curls up in his den with a bad headache and two eyes even blacker than usual… 🙂
So there I was at the top of the hill, sitting in the shade under the big old oak tree reading a book. It was one of those hot summer days that drains all the energy right out of you. I’d finished my chores – had got up early to be sure to get everything done before the sun rose too high in the sky – and was looking forward to enjoying some well-earned down-time.
But no sooner had I settled down to read than a devil appeared in front of me, buzzing around distractingly like an irritating fly. ‘Look at you’ it mocked disparagingly, ‘ lazing around doing nothing, you know you should be more productive’. Annoyed, I swatted it with my book and carried on. Then from behind my shoulder I heard another devil skulking around, whispering seductively. ‘Remember the devil makes work for idle hands’ it wheedled gleefully, waiting for my guilt to kick in as usual.
But not this time, enough is enough. So I whacked the devil dismissively with my book. ‘Bollocks to that’ I said, ‘For your information I’m not doing nothing, I’m busy reading and relaxing. Now fuck off and leave me alone.’ And in an unpleasant puff of reluctant acceptance, suddenly they were gone, with any luck banished forever…