I would love to be someone who has a natural ability to take things easy in life. To just chill out, and stop the frenetic freak-out from taking over my head.
By that I don’t mean to suggest that I’m always on the go physically – because seriously, I’m not. It’s more that mentally I’m not always very good at relaxing, even when the opportunity arises. I try – I really do try. Sometimes I confess I try so hard it stresses me out. To try to relax I read, and I garden, and more recently I paint. And historically I watch TV – often too much TV.
Sadly too much TV makes me lazy – not just physically, but mentally, too. It means I don’t have to think – in fact, thanks to TV I can avoid thinking about some of the things that stop me being able to take it easy in life. And right now I’m NOT thinking that I’m going to be 59 in a couple of weeks, beginning my 60th year on this planet… Eek!
Recently I’ve been waking up every morning with a feeling that I’m stuck in a rut, wasting my life in fearful mediocrity. Don’t get me wrong, I live in a lovely house with my lovely husband and I honestly wouldn’t change either for the world. But personally, I worry that deep down I’m just not making the most of whatever potential it is I still have within myself. I feel like as I’m getting older I’m losing something vibrant and dynamic, as if I’m stagnating, seizing up.
I’m getting to that stage in life where I’m beginning to wonder what my regrets might be at the end of it all, and I don’t want one major regret to be that I was too scared to live the life I wanted. Not the big bucket-list social-media showy-offy stuff, but how I approach the everyday realities of existence – what I wear, what I do, how I feel about existing in this ever-changing world.
I want to be able to enjoy wholeheartedly what’s left of the life I have, not worry and fret about whatever happened to the ideal dream life I thought I might have when I was younger. Because like it or not, I am who I am, no more, no less. And perhaps if I could start to accept that reality, I might just be able to learn to take it easy a bit more into the future… 🙂